dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
