she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
