It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
