so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm sobbing to NWA
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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