I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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