its not stalking. its research.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
