weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
