i already hear my dad disowning me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
