I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Two words: nipple clamps
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