Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
