my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
