the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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