just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
