I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
