last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
