I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
