If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
