Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
