Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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