I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
