I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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