i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
