Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
