Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
