i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
