so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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