i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
