I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
