hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
