singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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