would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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