My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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