I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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