Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
