You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
