Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
