I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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