Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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