Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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