I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
