Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
