I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
