this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
