I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You pole danced in your parka.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Randomize
