Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
