Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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