I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
