I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
