i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
