Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
