just come out here and I will go home with you...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
