I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
