I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
People in love make me want to vomit
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
