it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
