you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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