Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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