We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
