Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
