I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize