Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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