**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
