We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
