So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
