omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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