Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
