dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
