alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
