just come out here and I will go home with you...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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