Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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