I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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