guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
