We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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