Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
