Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
