So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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