I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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