what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is Oprah even human
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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