i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
