you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
How's work?
Spinning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
